60 year old scaredy cat has first go at canoeing

I am a fearful person.  All of us are prone to some kind of human frailty, be it pride, anger, gluttony, greed etc.  For me, it’s fearfulness. And I have never been much good at having fun either…

But last weekend, I had another opportunity to overcome fear, and have fun too.

I spent the weekend at Minnamurra, just south of Wollongong (NSW, Australia). I stayed with my family at a beautiful beach-house situated right on the water. They were holidaying there and invited me to stay for a couple of nights!  Lucky me!

 

The first morning I was there, my daughter, her husband and little 3 year old, set off in canoes to paddle across the lagoon – a tidal river inlet open to the sea.

But I was too scared to go.  I doubted my dodgy heart’s ability to keep up physically to the exertion I thought might be required to paddle the canoe across the water. I pictured myself being propelled by the incoming tide, way up the river, against my feeble attempts to stay on course.  I always imagine the worst possible scenario.

So, instead, I sat on the wooden boardwalk, my feet dangling over the edge.  I was safe.  But I felt so alone; so defeated by my fear. I watched my family paddle off and land on the other side of the inlet; my little Grandson with his life jacket on and sitting in the front of his mother’s canoe.  They pulled their canoes up the beach and disappeared into the scrub, through the track which led to the great expanse of ocean on the other side. Harry had all the essential equipment with him (besides the life jacket) – big toy dump truck, bucket, spade etc.

So, I sat there, and, as often happens, the sadness of being alone, and the prospect of another 20 years of being alone, began to take hold of me.  But I have learnt, by bitter experience, that this kind of thinking too easily becomes the catalyst which opens the door to depression.

I looked at the stretch of water;  it did indeed look fairly innocuous. There was a wide expanse of shallow water and a deeper channel in the middle.  Life has chucked some pretty awful things at me, despite my tendency to cling to the sidelines. And I have proved over and over that the way to overcome fear, is to face it, confront it, and bluff it back.  I might be a fearful person, but I have had to face a lot of terrible stuff, alone; things which would turn the bravest of us, into scared rabbits. So, I thought perhaps I would have a go at it;  after all, it wasn’t white water rafting for goodness sake!

So, next afternoon, on the incoming tide, (if I’m going to get carried by the current, it might be better to be carried inland, rather than out to sea, although as my friend quipped .. “but Susan, you might have been rescued by a hunk!"  We laughed like school girls J)

So next afternoon, we set out again, and this time I ventured forth, with my little pink paddle at the ready.  It was a bit tricky getting the hang of dipping alternatively – first one side, then the other… and OK, I did a few 360 degree turns but finally I managed to zig-zag my way over. I did it!

I didn’t get propelled inland by the current.  And… it wasn’t as much physical exertion as I thought it would be, so I didn’t get out of breath.

I’m sure all you big brave people (physically fit, normal–hearted people) are thinking “What’s she on about – it’s just paddling a canoe”, but I felt as though a cosmic billboard somewhere should read “60 year old scaredy cat has a first go at canoeing!”.

And as we headed through the track to the beach, my daughter turned around and quipped “Lesson one, in learning how to have fun, is complete”. (with a nod to the movie Nanny McPhee).