Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Injustice and bullying

In the movies, justice pretty much always wins out in the end;  the man always gets his girl;  the baddie gets his come-uppance and it nearly always ends happily ever after.. In my experience, this almost never happens in real life;  very often, it’s injustice which triumphs.  What do we do when injustice happens to us personally.
 
God gives us guidelines on how to behave when injustice happens to us. 
Some years ago, I was bullied in my workplace.  In fact, I hate to admit it, but I've been bullied in just about every place I've ever worked. I suppose I feel it makes me some kind of tragic wuss. The meek are indeed blessed. But they are also easily bullied.  What we do and how we behave in the face of injustice will probably depend on our personality, our value system and whether we have some kind of backup.  I didn’t have any backup;  I was on my own.  The  thing I found with workplace bullying,is that people are very often cowards, when faced with injustice inflicted on someone else. They will not speak out;  they will pretend it doesn’t exist; they don’t want to get involved; they will just keep their heads down.  Another aspect of injustice, is that the perpetrator will always pick on someone already vulnerable.  When this happened to me, I chose to flee, because I had no backup;  because I had several other awful things happening in my life at the time;  because I’m not a fighter and because the people bullying me loved a good fight and I knew I couldn’t win. So I left that workplace.

But the fleeing or the fighting aside, we still have to deal with this injustice in our own souls and hearts and minds.  Unless we deal with it, we can become angry and begin to carry a grudge.    Fight or flee; whatever the outcome,  ultimately we have to let go of the resentment and hurt it has caused, if we are to live victoriously, lovingly.  Resentment held, will pollute the rest of our lives. But how do we deal with it?
We must, in our own time confront what has happened to us.  Meet it head on.   We have to embark on a journey of coping which will end when we accept what has happened to us and lay it to rest.  It’s painful doing this. But never confronting the hurt, or pretending it didn’t happen, keeps it alive, because it festers away inside.   If we run from the awful feelings, anxiety can set in.

We can cry out to God about the injustice of it; God is big;  he can accept us however angry we are;  however victimised or hard-done-by we feel.  When our emotions are plundered and battered by suffering, he can meet us at the foot of the cross, and take it from us.  Conjure up a mind picture of yourself taking the pain of injustice, and giving it up to him.  He is well acquainted with suffering, and will not turn away.
On a practical level, we can talk to others, either friends, family, trained counsellors.  We can confess our failure to God too, because there will be times, in this grappling with injustice, when we behave and think in ways which are less than noble.

Be careful though; dwelling on injustice, without attempt at healing, bringing it to the surface of our minds, constantly nursing it without the light of Christ’s mercy to heal and banish it, breeds resentment, thoughts of reprisal, and prejudice.  We have to deal with whatever injustice has befallen us, then pack it away in the tin trunks of our hearts, and go on. We have to allow God to heal us;  to surrender to his way of doing things;  to be obedient to his Word, ie bless those who hurt us; pray for those who spitefully use us. Pay back evil, with good.  I didn't say it was easy! This is especially important with people who are close to us.  When I was bullied at work, after the process of fleeing and crying and healing and taking up my life again, I could leave those people in the past.  But it’s different when the people we feel have wronged us, are those of our families or friends.  And the sting of injustice felt in families, can often be traced to some sleight over material things, or money.
When I was a little girl, in a small rural town, we used to visit my mother’s sister and brother in another small rural town half an hour away.    In my aunty and uncle’s little weatherboard cottage , there was a beautiful red cedar dresser.  It had belonged to my grandmother, and had been passed to her son (my mum’s brother).  It was huge;  it took up almost the entire wall of their little front room, and reached almost to the ceiling.  It was ornate;  the patina of it’s ruby lustre was just lovely.  It was a thing of elegance and beauty.  On one occasion, on the way home, my mother said “I wonder what will happen to that dresser when my brother dies?” He was 21 years older than her.  He eventually died, and the dresser stayed in his house until his wife also died.  But then it transpired that the dresser had been given to a family friend.  My mother was dismayed at the thought of this beautiful possession not coming back to the family.  She felt it should have come to her, or at least her sister.  She grieved over that dresser, but not a word was said to the friends;  she simply accepted that this was how it had been disposed of, and she didn’t let it cause fights or words between the family or the friend. She did not let money or mere chattels come between relationships.  It wasn’t spoken of again. Graciousness is a good stratagem in soothing the sting of injustice.

And that brings me to the next coping skill.  We must forgive those who visit injustice upon us. To forgive is the very bedrock of Christian faith.
Some of you may remember the case of John Button. In 1963, at the age of 19, he had an argument with his girlfriend, Rosemary.  She got out of the car they were in, and walked off in anger.  When John Button caught up with her a little while later, he found her, in the darkness, lying dead on the road.  He was convicted of her murder and spent 5 years in gaol. A year after his conviction, the real killer, a serial murderer, confessed to her killing, but he was not believed, even though he stated this many times, including a written confession, just before he was hanged for the murder of other people. John Button spent another 5 years on parole, and it took 37 more years before his conviction was quashed.

But Rosemary’s mother could not forgive him.  For years after, even in the face of the other man’s confession, she continued to blame John Button, saying “he took my daughter out, and he didn’t bring her home. It’s his fault she’s dead”.  She clung to that emotional decision, until her death. Her unwillingness to forgive was heaping more injustice on John Button, and it imprisoned her too.  It added to the pain they had both suffered.
When people have hurt us, we cannot really forgive in our own strength.  That’s why God tells us to pray for them. We may not always be able to do this with conviction and a heartfelt surge of goodwill towards them, but we can say to God “I don’t want to pray for this person but I do, because you’ve commanded me to”. And the way I do it is this;  I distance myself from the emotional side of things, step away, and I pray just with my mind.  Our hearts and emotions have to be a bit suspended from the hurt of it. But when we can say this, something close to miraculous begins to happen. It may take a while;  it may take some painful searching and honest reflection, especially if the injustice is very big and has impacted us terribly.  It may take years. There will be times of anger and railing against the injustice of it, but God will create in us something we can’t do for ourselves. He will give us victory over the hurt and the injustice;  our forgiveness will dissolve rancour;  our resentment will be replaced by goodwill;  for angst we will be given peace. Over time - and remember that once God has begun a good work in us, he will bring it to completion…the final healing may not come until we are resurrected with him in heaven, but the promise is that he will do it;   over time, constantly bringing these terrible injustices to His light shining from the cross, allows us to forgive.  And as this transformation occurs, you will be changed, as the bible says, from glory to glory.  You will have taken into your heart, the very divinity of God’s character;  the wonderful wings of His overcoming Spirit.  Why do you think those verses about praying for people who use and abuse us are in the Bible? Is it to make life hard for us?  No, it’s because God knows if we cling to our injustices, we become slaves to them. They become like big river stones in our pockets, weighing down our spirit-life.  He knows that injustice and forgiveness have to be bed fellows.  He knows that the sister of forgiveness ,is graciousness, and that the one who overlooks a transgression seeks love. He knows that for justice to prevail in our lives, even if we’ve experienced the gravest of inequality or prejudice, we must forgive the perpetrator.

Because on that glorious resurrection day, the Christ won’t ask us “how did you treat the dresser in your life?” or  “How much was that dresser worth?” He will ask us “how did you treat the person who denied you the dresser?  Did you forgive that person who used or abused you?  Were you noble and loving in the face of injustice?  Did you speak out for others who suffered injustice? These are the things which are important to God.  These are the things which will clothe us through eternity.  God’s kingdom is not about stuff, or how much of it we accumulate in our life;  it’s not about status or whether we get back in kind what we give, or about always winning or coming out on top in an argument.  It’s about servanthood and self-sacrifice;  it’s about love and forgiveness, in the face of injustice.  That’s how justice prevails.  And God, who is just, will give us our reward in heaven.

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