I sometimes feel an affinity with King George VI. He was a man who never thought he'd be King; he was a shy man, not comfortable with being in the limelight; more suited to a quiet life as a husband and father. As well, he had a stammer and a lisp, so when he knew he was to be King, it must have caused him the odd anxious moment. In the end, he was a calm, kind King, with much integrity and an overriding love for his people. He was victorious over his stammer and spoke on many occasions, in public and via radio.
But as he steeled himself for one more public appearance, I'm sure he must have thought sometimes, that he was not suited or gifted for the job he had to do.
I feel like this at times. I'm still working, when I never thought I'd have to after I was married. And I'm working in a job for which I'm neither gifted or particularly like. I'm a bookkeeper, and I don't like Maths or numbers. I wonder what I should do about it, since I've lately discovered so many other gifts which I do have, and which fit me for Ministry in the Christian church.
I have to work out if I want to keep on for another 6 years, doing a job I don't like, but is safe, or take the plunge and have a go at ministry, albeit part time. How can I possibly decide this? I may be gifted for ministry, but I'm still on my own and I have no backup. The workload would be great, and there would be no one at home to commiserate, when things go wrong, or the workload gets a bit much. I don't have a lot of stamina and I would still be doing all the home stuff. I'd be "on call" even as a part time person. No idea what to do. In the past, I've felt like this, and done nothing; kept on in a job I hated. It ended as badly as anything ever has in my working life, and I've had quite a bit of trauma to compare it to.
If you keep doing the things you've always done, you'll get the same as you've always gotten... or words to that effect. Tempting to chance my arm. Tempting to step in faith and let God take the slack. But will he do that? He never has before, in my life. Yet, when he calls people, he rarely gives them all the resouces and set of circumstances, before they go; he calls them to follow; he doesn't pack the bags first! Yet, he equips the inner person and that's a different thing altogether.
Do I want to be still at a bookkeeping job, being under-valued and made to feel second best, for another 5 years? Will I be sorry I didn't give it a go? Could I keep going in this job and take on Ministry after I retire? Good grief Suse! You want to stop now, not go on til you are 70! I couldn't have time for my family if I do that - I'd still be working!
Hmmm.....thinking thinking
No comments:
Post a Comment